Dingle Jokes
Dingle Jokes -- Lasher Jokes (1) -- Lasher Jokes (2) -- Lasher Jokes (3)
Did
you hear about the dingle who thought he was a half-breed?
His father was a man and his mother was a woman!
What do you call
a dingle who’s just dressed himself?
An over-achiever!
How do we know Adam
was a dingle?
Would a normal
man eat an apple when a naked woman was discussing temptation?
How do we also know
that Adam was a dingle?
He asked
Eve if she was cheating on him!
Why did the dingle
throw away the toilet brush?
He discovered
toilet paper!
What’s a dingle’s
idea of a varied diet?
A quarter-pounder
with cheese one day, and without cheese the next!
Why don’t
dingle’s dogs do tricks?
You have
to be more intelligent than a dog to teach it tricks!
Why did the dingle
buy an electric lawnmower instead of petrol one?
So that he
could find his way back to the house when he’d finished
cutting the grass!
What’s the
difference between a dingle and a shopping trolley?
A shopping
trolley has a mind of it’s own!
Why did the dingle
get a ‘stabbing’ pain in his eye every time
he drank a cup of tea?
He forgot
to take the spoon out!
What’s a dingle’s
idea of safe sex?
Masturbation!
What is a dingle’s
view of safe sex?
A padded
headboard!
Why do dingles only
ever get half-hour lunch-breaks?
Because it
takes too long to retrain them!
How does a dingle
make himself more interesting?
He leaves
town!
How did the dingle’s
wife stop him from biting his nails?
She made
him wear shoes!
What is generally
the best birth control for a dingle?
His face!
Why did the dingle
put his penis in boiling water?
His wife
told him to get sterilised!
Why was the dingle
so pleased with himself after drinking a whole carton of
fresh orange juice in 30 seconds flat?
Because it
said ‘drink in 5 days of opening’ on it!
What do you call
10 dingles standing in a circle?
A dope ring!
Did you hear about the dingle that thought that intercourse was a racetrack?!
Did you hear about the queer dingle who thought that ‘Lord of the Rings’ was a gay movie?!
Why couldn’t
the dingle get his new computer to work?
Because after
he plugged it in, ‘Press any key to start’ appeared
on the screen…and he could find the ‘any’
key!
Why didn’t
the dingle get any ‘lovely’ pictures of his
holiday?
Because he
took them all on a disposable camera… and threw it
away when he left the resort!
Why did the dingle
put viagra in his eyes?
Because he
thought it would make him look hard!
How can a woman
get a dingle man to marry her?
Tell him
he’s pregnant!
Why do dingles have
arrows on their shoes?
So they know
the correct direction to move forwards!
What is the advantage
of having a dingle passenger in the car with you?
You can park
in the handicapped zone!
How do you confuse
a dingle?
Oh you don’t.
They’re born that way
How do you get a
dingle to pay £50 for 4 cans of Breaker and a hot-dog?
Tell him
it’s a 5-course meal!
Where do you have
to go to find a dingle who’s truly committed?
The mental
hospital!
Why do dingle women
have bruises around their navels?
Dingle men!
What’s the
difference between savings bonds and dingles?
It may take
a good few years, but eventually bonds will mature!
What’s the
difference between a dingle and a public loo?
The loo isn’t
always vacant and full of crap!
What do you call
a woman who married a dingle, who no longer has an arsehole?
Divorced!
Why is a penis like
a dingle?
Because it
has a head with no brain!
What do you instantly
know about a well-dressed dingle?
Somebody
else must have dressed him!
This dingle left
the pub early, hoping to get home early enough not to get
into trouble with his wife. When he got home, he discovered
that his wife was in bed with his boss.
Back at the pub later, he was telling the landlord the story.
"That’s dreadful," sympathised the landlord.
"What did you do?"
"Well" said the dingle, "I crept back out
again and got back here as fast as I could. They were just
getting started, so I reckon I’ve got time for a couple
of extra beers!"
Why do dingles like
intelligent women?
Opposites
attract!
Why don’t
dingles ever have mid-life crises?
Because they’re
all stuck in perpetual childhood!
How did the dingle
parachutist know he had problems?
When his
snorkel wouldn’t open!
What did the dingle
nurse say when the doctor asked her if she had taken the
patient’s temperature?
Why, is it
missing?
Why is psychotherapy
so much quicker for dingles than for normal people?
When it's
time to take a dingle back to his childhood…he’s
already there!